So when we left you Tixi Taka and Mister Muscle had wrapped up their preseasons in a nice little bow and stood ready to begin the brand new Ladbrokes (seriously?) Premiership season.
Now we stand ten games into the season and so far we can conclude that neither technique nor physicality reigns supreme. Celtic lie in second place courtesy of goals scored (20) whilst Rangers sit with an identical record (W6 D3 L1) and have conceded 3 less goals than Celtic (4 as opposed to Celtics 7).
Incredibly Rangers opened the season without conceding a goal until their 5th match, ironically against our very own Celtic. This hasn’t slowed down either, Rangers have 8 clean sheets in their opening 10 games.
Celtic also have the press wanking themselves dry over their goalscoring exploits however, suggesting that technique provides more goals, whilst strength provides the clean sheets.
However the opening fixtures saw Celtic struggle with the demands of a particularly rough Champions League group containing Barcelona, Leverkusen and Shakhtar Donestk and initially conceded a 2-0 defeat to Aberdeen who have started the season particularly strongly. As such Mister Muscle managed to pick up manager of the month after a strong opening which saw James Tavernier win goal of the month for a free kick scored in a 2-0 win against Kilmarnock (Mason Bennet got the other from deep inside his own half which apparently wasn’t even good enough to make it into the top three goals of the month, Scottish football is nothing if not lavishly entertaining…apparently.)
We highlighted some of the transfers and showed Celtic had procured Robbie Keane for his retirement tour and Carlos Martins, a 35 year old Portuguese with an outrageously sweet right foot, however whilst Keane is producing (4 goals and counting) with both teams signings being only free transfers (aside from Bennet and Manneh of Rangers who came in on loan). However in the opening matches it is Rangers signings who are providing the better showing as Celtic are relying on the lavishly talent Dembele (15 goals) to win their matches.
- Bennet (scorer of Xabi Alonso’s wet dreams) is a loan signing from Derby procured solely on his physical gifts and is providing a work horse of a targetman (3 goals so far)
- Jose Goncalves a 31 year old tank of a CB proving to own a cannon of a throw in and chipping in with numerous assists
- Elimane Coulibaly a 20 strength targetman who when fit (when being the operative word here) has provided a good amount of assists and a couple of goals.
Both teams have been eliminated in the league cup however with Rangers making it to the semi finals.
What I will leave you with however is two incredible results so far.
That’s right, Celtic thrashed the Might Barcelona at home. They could have won by even more if Scott Sinclair would stop making a mockery of his extremly high penalty taking attributes.
But most impressively is this Philipe Senderos has a rating of 7.38. That’s THE Philipe Senderos. The balding eagle has some how bundled in Goncalves outrageously long throws on multiple occasions and is fast becoming one of our main bois. Good on you Philipe, don’t fuck it up.